Life on a Bus

In some previous blogs, I mentioned some of our experiences on airplanes and in airports during my recent multiple-state book tour for "77 Ways Your Family Can Make a Difference." I thought it only fitting to tell a story of the time we were stranded on a bus for over four hours. As one who vows never to get bored (life is to precious and much too short to get bored!) I must admit it appeared our trip on the bus could present a challenge for the Anti-Boredom Act.

Lon and I were on a return flight from Canada via Seattle when electrical storms prompted the pilot of our rather large plane to make an emergency landing six hours from home and four hours from the airport. Not only was there an electrical storm threat, but the weather was also turning nasty in terms of a snowstorm. The airline was kind enough to "rent" a bus for the entire load of people heading to the airport. As we climbed on the commercial bus, I knew it was going to be a long trip...

The day was cold and bleak. The threat of snow was in the air and the weary travelers sighed as they climbed the black steps into the commercial bus....

Did I say four hours from the airport? Figure that there is snow and ice on the road and four hours turns into much longer, with not much to look at in the way of scenery. (Did I mention this was out in the middle of nowhere?) So Lon and I climbed aboard the bus with our fellow travelers. As is custom for me, we headed toward a seat near the back. It may be that I've been a Zeller with a "z" so long that I'm used to being at the end of the line (or bus) or maybe it's just because I've never been a front row kind of gal (except that time that odd college professor thought it would be funny to put Penny in the second row) Anyway...

You get to know a lot about people just from spending time with them on a bus. We noticed after a couple hours into our trip that there were the following types of people aboard:

1. The talker. He wants everyone to know about his life. Yep, he sat in front of us. An executive-sort of person in nice clothing, he talked loud enough on his many cell phone calls that we knew everything about him in a matter of minutes - what he ate for dinner, what he did for a living, that he wouldn't be making it to yet another of his son's basketball games, etc. These types can be annoying and it made me regret not bringing ear plugs.

2. The sleeper. She sat several rows up from us and slept the whole time. I never sleep well when I'm not in my own bed and especially not in the confines of a bus with a blizzard outside. The sleeper never makes a peep, except for the occasional mumbling in her sleep. She is recognized by the drool puddle on the seat next to her.

3. The serious one. These types are very quiet and don't even laugh when there's something funny to laugh about. These zombies usually stare straight ahead in daydream mode and are grand prize winners of the "stare game." There were several of these on this bus.

4. The bus whisperers. These folks whisper the entire time, as if their secrets will get out if they speak in an audible tone. It makes listeners feel as though they are constantly missing out on important secrets. It makes me wish I had a cup with a string that I could hold to the back of the seat so I could "listen in." Hey, I just thought of something...what if a bus whisperer married the talker?

5. The reader. I love these type. They read a novel from front to back in a day and you can tell from the expressions on their faces what is happening in their book. Sometimes they even have sound effects for when they're reading the really scary parts.

6. The bathroom lady (self-explanatory). You can recognize this poor gal by the fact that she's never in her seat...

7. Secret Simon. He's a scary dude dressed in black from his head to his toe. His beady little eyes dart around and he has over 500 body piercings and a bad hairdo that looks like when I'm only half done with giving Lon a buzz cut. He talks into the collar of his jacket like he's an undercover FBI agent and eats Junior Mints like they're becoming extinct.

I know there must also be several types of bus drivers. Ours happened to be a jolly fellow with a great sense of a humor and a willingness to go out of his way for his passengers. His one downside was that he drove like one competing in the Autobon. It phased him little that his vehicle was longer than three mid-size cars and twice as tall.

So there we were on a bus with somewhere to go and nothing to do. I tried to go to sleep. Didn't work. I tried to call someone on my cell phone. No one was home. I tried to read, but I got carsick. I tried to be serious, but it's not in my nature. I admit, Lon and I did whisper a bit, but that was only to protect the innocent. You see, I had cleverly brought a small spiral tablet along. As a writer, I don't want to miss writing down any good ideas, especially since I was working on a contemporary Christian novel and needed to have some character traits for my characters. So there I was with my little tablet when I had the most awesome idea... why not draw caricatures of the people we were riding with and have Lon guess who they were? I'm not an artist in any sense of the word, but I can draw a downright good smiley face and my comical headshots of people aren't too bad. (oh, and I did win a contest when I was 4 1/2 years old that landed my drawing on a clothing line through JcPenney!) So time and time again, I drew pictures and time and time again Lon guessed who they were. He is so amazing - you'd never guess that he was such a good picture guesser. He'd look at my drawing and secretly point to the person he thought it was, kind of in a "don't look now, but..." way. He did a pretty good job for being an amateur guesser.

Well after a couple hours of playing that game, it got old and besides, I had drawn everyone on the bus, including Lon, the bus driver, and myself. On to something new...I slid up to the front of the bus to ask the driver if he had any movies we could watch. He smiled at me slyly and said, "Why, yes I do."

"Great!" I said. I prayed silently the movie would be one that the entire busload could watch. (I'm pretty protective over what I allow my eyes to see!)

"Here it is." He reached down into a secret compartment and handed me the movie. I bet you'll never guess which one it was. If you guessed "Speed," you win a prize! Yep, we were on a bus going pretty fast for weather conditions, a suspicious guy in a black trenchcoat just rows ahead of us, and watching "Speed." I knew then and there that our bus driver had a warped sense of humor.

Well, when "Speed" was over, I decided with only an hour or so to go, we'd better think about getting a hotel in the city with the airport since it was likely the roads to our home two hours away would be closed due to inclement weather. I called my dear old Dad on the cell phone and he proceeded to call every hotel in the city, all to no avail. Except one. One lonely hotel had one single room for us. Praise God! I didn't even want to think about sleeping on the bus!

So in the final phase of our trip, we played one of Lon's least favorite games. If you guessed it, you win! Yep, it's "What If." The game drives him crazy, but somehow I convinced him to play it. It's one of those unique kind of games where you ask someone "What If..." and they have to answer what they would do. Like one of my questions was "what if you had a 1970s pink station wagon with big purple flowers painted on it, a flat tire, only one seat (the driver's seat) and it was full of animals...would you drive it to work or would you walk? (Did I mention Lon would never want to be seen in a pink car and that it would take him half a day to walk to work?)

Finally, after numerous "potty" breaks and "gas station" breaks, we made it to the airport. Our driver was so nice that he even went out of his way to drive us to our hotel.

Well, this blog was so much longer than I'd ever anticipated it would be, but then again, so was that bus ride on that snowy day...